I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
