i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
