we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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