if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
