I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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