she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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