you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
