pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
