We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
