It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your penis caused this!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
