i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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