Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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