well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
