A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
