I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
