the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
