He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
