He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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