Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
