I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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