he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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