i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Come see our sink grown plant.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
