i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
