Me too!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
