What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
