i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
