WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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