I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
