3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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