I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
