Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No subtext here. People are naked.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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