"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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