Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
