Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
