Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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