It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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