Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
