I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
