i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
