His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
