You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
