just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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