i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
