i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
