Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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