i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just invented taco cereal.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
