I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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