He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
