my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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