the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
