Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
