Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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